I Weep

January 3, 2010

I weep. I am not sad, but weep all the more. I give my tears as gifts – a part of me so small, so pure – drips of pure spirit, each a tiny, emotional gem, sparkling, silvery, precious. “Thank you,” says the tear in its slow slide, giving thanks to the universe as it rolls and dries, disappears again. The tear is life’s cycle in fast motion, birth-life-death-rebirth all in a few moments. What better gift can I give the universe then my thankful tears?

I smile. I am happy, but I do not smile for me. I smile for us all – for you, for her with the coffee mug, for him with the hangover and the sarcastic shirt. They were not smiling, but as I smile at them, they cannot help but to return the same. There is a contagion to smiles – like yawns, but all the more beautiful. I could be happy without smiling, but how better to share the joy in my heart then to smile?

I kiss. I do not kiss for you, for me. I kiss so that for one instant we may unite our separate souls, to be carried away on that electric, sensual impulse of connection. There are so many ways to kiss, but only one that truly matters. I kiss with love for all things, and a song in my heart. Kisses spread joy better then smiles. Why would I not kiss you?

I meditate. I do not meditate for any reason, but simply because I can. To meditate, quiet, unmoving, alone, is to touch a part of oneself that cannot be seen another way. One who meditates can find freedom there, sanctuary, peace. One will find what she wishes to, if she chooses to find anything at all. I meditate for nothing, and find a vast, unending ocean of sweet nothingness. How can I not jump in?

I swim. I swim until the dawn pulls me back into the world. I weep, smile, and am happy. My laughter floats across the universe in waves – reflection of the beauty in all things. The sun dries and warms me. There is no one here to kiss. Life weeps, laughs, smiles back at me, and in that moment all is well in the world.

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