What I’m Thankful For

I started this on Thanksgiving, but some old friends came into town yesterday and decided I needed a Thanksgiving party, so Mexican food, tequila and mezcal, dancing all night, and the drunkest acapella Elvis cover band in the world substituted for family togetherness and turkey. Kind of. Anyway, here’s what I started yesterday and neglected to finish until this morning:

I’m sitting on the hard tile floor in a mildewed dark room next to the only working outlet in this hostel that is also within range of wifi. My family and friends are several countries away, and on this day of family togetherness and giving thanks, I’m nursing a head cold and surrounded by strangers. Nobody aside from Americans celebrate Thanksgiving, so as you might guess I’m a bit out of my element today.

Making things harder is the fact that I’ve drifted far enough away from everyone I love that they aren’t really able or willing to contact me any longer. The last time someone outside of my family called me or emailed from back home was weeks ago. It’s not them – I don’t usually have a phone, and I’m far from the most communicative person anyway. Still, it hurts a bit when your good friend sends you an email and you realize you can’t remember the last time that happened.

It’s my fault – I’m the one who left, I’m the one who isn’t close, or a part of your day to day life, and I like to think that people do still think about me from time to time. Even if they don’t, I still have things to be thankful for, and this seems like a good day to reflect on them a bit.

First, the stupid material shit – I’m thankful for my little laptop, the eee I’ve had traveling with me all over Central America. Sure, she’s been more weight in the bag, but I couldn’t write or blog at all without her. Plus, it’s always nice to have a lifeline back home. Likewise, I really appreciate every single thing I still own, and that isn’t a lot. I’ve given away everything that doesn’t fit into my backpack or messenger bag, and as I do so every thing I still have becomes all the more precious. My 4 changes of clothes, 5 pairs of underwear, 6 pairs of socks are each valuable to me, each special in a way that I never understood before they were all I had. My mementos of this life, coins, bits of wood, shells, twisted metal parts are all imbued with memories. Really, if you carry everything you own around on your back all day, each thing takes on significance – this is my machete, it keeps me warm in the woods – this is my sleeping bag, it lets me sleep anywhere I choose – this is my headlamp, it lets me see, and so on. I’m thankful for everything I have.

Even more, I’m thankful for what I don’t have – my lack of a career, steady housing, a life plan, a car have all become precious gems, points of pride, and signposts that give evidence that I’m moving toward something better then what I had before. I take ridiculous pride in how much I don’t have, don’t need, don’t want even. I’ve found joy in not having, in giving away, in doing without the unnecessary. The other week I gave away almost 50 pounds of gear – clothing mainly, but also boots, a backpack, gloves, hats, books, everything. I haven’t bought anything I didn’t need for a while now, and I’m thankful that I’ve come to this realization of how little I truly need so early in my life. It would be much more difficult to live my life if I’d gotten deeper into the consumption game before I got out.

That’s what I’m most thankful for today – I’ve gotten out, torn myself free of a life I was terribly miserable in, and found a way of living that makes me truly joyous. I smile all the time, laugh genuinely, give hugs and kisses to people I don’t even know. I make friends every day, some of them for life, and get to experience a world completely alien to most of the people I know. I’m thankful for my Spanish – I can communicate with people I would never have otherwise met, learn about their lives, beliefs, hopes, dreams. I’m so thankful that I was right, that people everywhere are the same, all wanting and needing the same things – it’s one of the bases of my whole world, and sometimes it is quite nice just to be correct for once! I’m so incredibly happy to be living here, in this strange yet welcoming land, in another language, another culture, and still share moments of deep understanding with people of all stripes. From crossing cultural barriers I never knew existed before finding them to meeting, befriending, and sometimes dating people of very different worlds then my own, I’ve done a whole lot of growing lately – a trend I’m happy to be pursuing further.

Lastly, well, no, not lastly but lastly for now, I’m thankful to everyone who has made my adventures possible – from Sjoerd, Dan, Becky, Seth, Veronique, Marc, Matt, Karina, Vish and all of my traveling companions to the countless friends I’ve made, there are so many people who have made my life the better simply by touching it. The people I’ve left at home have been so good as well, especially my mother, who lives the most hectic life yet still manages to send me touching emails, and my father, a man who has fought so long to live life on his terms and is beginning to see the returns he deserves. I owe my existence to them, and am so lucky that they raised me in a way that has allowed me to become the person I am – did an excellent job too, I should add. Then there are my brothers, K2 and 3, who I see growing up and developing into themselves. It was incredible to call my family on Skype and see a DIY halfpipe in the backyard, then to realize that my youngest brother is taller then I am! Without the support of all of them, and my good friends too, I’d be so much lonelier out here. I’m thankful too that I can call home and everyone I know seems to be doing well, or at least, putting on a good show of it. Sure, I come off as crazy to most, but just having you there makes a hell of a difference.

So that’s it I guess – it’s been a tough year, but I’m better for it, and falling into this strange and wonderful life seems to be the reward. I don’t know how long I can keep it up, or how things will go tomorrow even, but in the present moment I’m fulfilled, lacking nothing essential, happy in every way, and in love with the world I inhabit. How can I not be thankful for all of that? Happy Thanksgiving to you all stateside – a day late and probably more then a dollar short, but I wish everyone the best anyway. Ciao! -k

An Ill-Advised Letter to Barack

Dear Barack Obama,

 

I’m touched to receive your Thanksgiving mass spam email today, a thousand miles from home and a lifetime away from all the people I know and love. I miss them all terribly, and empty, thoughtless little gestures like a 2 million person email really make the difference on hard days like today. Nonetheless, I do have a few problems with the message you sent me, which I’d like to expand up here.

My problem, if I may put it succinctly is that you are a snake – your tongue slithers in and out, you say all the right things, but you don’t act to back them up. You ask Americans to sacrifice while you rob us of our futures, steal our social security, undercut our medical and health care, and waste our precious resources on pointless warfare. You are a liar, Barack, and you betray the American people with your silver tongue.

If you really cared about average Americans and their sacrifices you would not act as you do. You would not send our young men and women to fight wars of aggression to protect the interests of large corporations. You would not give trillions of dollars from the American people to large banking consortiums who filled your campaign coffers. If you really cared about Americans you would not dedicate your presidency to the service of large banks, corporations, and rich Democratic backers, and instead work against those groups to help the average Americans being crushed beneath their bloat and waste. No Barack, you don’t care about the average American beyond whether she votes for you and the Democratic party every 2 years. You don’t give a fuck about the poor Americans shivering and hungry, and you certainly don’t care about the soldiers you send overseas to protect “American interests” that are directly at odds with the interests of real Americans. Instead you give flowery speeches, then turn around and heap shit on the poor while robbing them of the opportunities, aid, and wealth they deserve.

How can you pretend to care, spit out pretty words, and then ensure that the actual help goes to those with the deepest pockets and most influence?

If you practiced what you preach you wouldn’t act as you do, but because you do act this way – attacking American values and the livelihoods and savings of real Americans – it is quite obvious that you are just another mouth, just another pretty face to make the authoritarian state more palatable, easier to slip under the front door while America sleeps. Your job is to make the transition from free people to slaves more peaceful, less obvious, and at that job you excel. Still, you’re not getting people like me, because I’m gone – left, moved out, and I’m never coming back. I hope you still feel bad about what you’re doing to America Barack, but I imagine you’re so self-assured, so confident in your own incorruptibility and faith that you don’t even realize what a fucking tool you’ve become. Enjoy the leash, I’ll be out in the real world helping people.

With love,

K

PS – for those who would dismiss me as an angry ranting idiot, google some combination of Unocal, Afghanistan, Pipeline, or perhaps Obama, Secret Meetings, insurance companies, or even Bagram, torture, rendition.  Any one of those 3, plus dozens of other combinations, put the lie to Obama’s pretty words – he’s just another mouthpiece, like ever president for a damn long time.  The bullshit Thanksgiving mass email just put me over the edge today, but I’m sick of this two-faced shit getting passed off as truth.

What I’m Thankful For

Just to keep up my grueling 1 post/month schedule, here’s what I am thankful for:

I’m thankful for a lot of things, but mostly I’m thankful for the people who touch my life.  I am a terrible introvert, and so I am forever grateful to those who go out of their way to involve me.  To those kind souls who make me a part of your life – thank you so very much.  You are all that stands between me and my demons, and without you I would be forever lost.

Similarly, I am thankful for the hardships that we are facing, both here in America and across the globe.  It may seem cruel to be thankful for that which hurts us, but I think that hardship forges stronger people, and this world is in desperate need of strong and united people.  We need constant reminding of our common needs and challenges to keep us working together.  Though the coming days will be hard on us all, our paths lead us together, toward a cooperative global society.

I am thankful for these opportunities to grow as a person, and as a citizen of the world.  It is said that hard times bring out the best in everyone, and after so long in the darkness, we all need something to pull us out of our isolated lives,  I hope that my time in the Peace Corps will allow my perspective on the world to grow ever broader, and my knowledge and experience to make leaps and bounds as well.  I am thankful for this opportunity to challenge myself, my beliefs, and my preconceptions about the world.

I am thankful for the ones I love, and the ones who love me back.  Without you all, I’d never survive.  To that one, whose name I hold back only out of respect for your privacy, I love you with all my heart, and I always will.  Though we now must part, our paths will cross again, and I’ll hold you in my arms again one day.

So happy Thanksgiving, to one and all, and do try to look out for those less fortunate in the holiday season.